Beyond the Surface: A Revolution in New Year's Resolutions

There’s something about the arrival of a new year that invites us to pause and reflect. It’s a time for renewal, intention-setting, and fresh beginnings. But as each year passes, I’ve noticed that the nature of this renewal has changed for me. The goals I once held no longer feel like the ones I need. My resolutions have evolved, just as I have.

So today, I invite you to reflect with me: How have your own resolutions shifted over the years? How have they mirrored the person you’ve been and the one you're becoming?

The Vanity Era: When Resolutions Were Skin-Deep

As I reminisce about the evolution of my resolutions, it’s not long before I see that, for a long time, they have been shaped by the world’s expectations, focused on superficial things, and driven by how I looked or how others perceived me. It wasn’t too long ago, maybe about 12 years, when my goals revolved around numbers on a scale or achieving some idealized image of success. It was the stage of my life devoted to fitting into molds that society deemed perfect. I weighed 110 lbs. and my physique resembled that of Lindsay Lohan (despite my body type being nothing of the sort), all while earning my PhD—a symbol of outward achievement.

But beneath the surface, those resolutions weren’t nourishing my soul. They were reflections of a world obsessed with appearance, and they left me feeling disconnected from the truth of who I truly was.

A Quiet Revolution: Resolutions Find a Deeper Home

Over the last 12 or so years, slowly, quietly, my resolutions began to change. They stopped dwelling in the realm of appearance and instead found a home in the essence of who I am. I (and my resolutions, as a byproduct) underwent a quiet revolution. I started to see that the fulfillment I was seeking couldn’t be found in the superficial— it was about the very core of who I am.

Cultivating Self-Love

The very core of who I am cares little about chasing an elusive image in the mirror. It cares much more about how I treat and care for myself. One pivotal shift I vividly remember was from desiring and chasing a 'perfect' body to simply nourishing and loving the one I’ve got. The mirror, once my harshest critic, started to reflect the growth of my character– who I am as a person. My resolutions went from being about 'looking good' to 'feeling good' and instead of focusing on what I needed to lose, I began to focus on what I wanted to gain: joy, self-acceptance, and an easeful relationship with myself.

This shift—from trying to perfect myself to simply loving myself—was a turning point. It transformed not only my resolutions but the way I moved through life. It allowed me to embrace my inherent joy, rather than obsess over perfection.

Prioritizing Inner Peace Over Outer Perfection

As I continued to evolve, so did the nature of my resolutions. I started to prioritize qualities of mind and heart like mindfulness. Prioritizing mental well-being over societal standards, practices like meditation and self-reflection became some of my greatest anchors. The emphasis shifted from outer appearances to inner peace and my ability to cultivate a resilient, loving inner self amid life's storms grew.

Not only that, but the joy of learning started to take precedence over external validations. Learning, in fact, became less about impressing others and more about feeding my soul. Around 2017, my resolutions started to be about gaining new skills and fostering my creativity. I took up partner dance classes—something that filled an unexpected void inside me, much more than any title or accolade ever could. People calling me “Dr” became much less important as the shift from 'looking accomplished' to 'feeling whole' infused my life.

Embracing Authenticity: The Freedom and Joy of Being Fully Ourselves

With each passing year, as I started to get more in touch with the core of who I am, my resolutions started to reflect that awareness more. Instead of being shaped by societal pressures, they were born from the truth of who I am. And, as I started living more fully in my authenticity (something I continue to grow into through this very day), my goals became infused with a sense of unbridled freedom. I felt free—free to be exactly who I am, without needing approval from the outside world. For the first time in a long time, I was proud to be who I am, no matter what anyone else thought.

Instead of being shaped by societal pressures, my goals were born from the truth of who I am.

And part of that freedom came from aligning my resolutions with my core values. And with my deepest values being authenticity and connection, the next evolution and focus of my resolutions was an easy and natural one… to nurture authentic, honest, deeper, heart-opening connections not just with others, but with myself.

The Shift from Surface to Substance in Relationships

Relationships are something that has always been dear to me, and I put a lot of effort into nurturing mine. But I also made a lot of mistakes as I learned what it truly means to create and maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships. As my understanding of what makes relationships healthy grew, so did my awareness of my part…my role… in it all. And not long after, I moved away from focusing on grand gestures or external markers of success in my relationships and toward something much simpler, yet infinitely more profound: presence. The goal transitioned from 'looking like the perfect human' to 'being a genuinely good human' in my relationships. Being genuinely present with the people I love became my priority. I started to listen more deeply, to show love more generously, and to bring my whole self into my interactions.

And, maybe the greatest evolution of all was that my focus expanded to include my relationships not just with others but with myself. I started to really nurture my relationship with me. The most important questions to me became: How was I showing up for myself when I was feeling low? How was I treating myself when I felt insecure or self-critical? These are the questions that guide my resolutions now. And today, they remain at the heart of how I want to live.

From Me-Centered to Heart-Centered Resolutions

If I had to sum up the evolution of my resolutions, it would be this: I’ve shifted from focusing on myself—on how I appear or what I achieve—to focusing on how I can impact the hearts of those around me. My resolutions have become heart-centered. The truth that I sit with this year is that I am right where I want to be: focused on being a loving partner, friend, and human being. It's about the imprint I leave on people’s hearts, not the fleeting impressions I leave on their eyes or minds.

An Invitation to You: Embracing What Truly Matters

As I reflect on this journey, I want to invite you to take your own. Consider joining me in my free masterclass, "How to Be the Loving Partner or Parent You Want to Be" where we'll dive into the beauty of focusing on what truly matters—our hearts and the relationships we create.

Or, if you’re seeking community that nurtures authenticity and deep connection, come join us in my Heart Share Circles. It’s a space to be seen, heard, and supported as we journey together toward what truly matters. Together.

Here's to a New Year's revolution that transcends the surface level stuff of our lives, invites us all to live from the heart, and helps us become who we came here to be.

Cheers!