Making Peace With Your Inner Critic Through the 8 Cs of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

There’s a voice inside that’s familiar to all of us. It shows up just when we’re about to do something challenging or brave, and oftentimes when we’re just going about our day being ourselves. It chimes in when we’re trying to rest, when we’re getting dressed, when we’re sending a text, making a decision, or when we’re feeling low. It questions, it hesitates, it warns, it criticizes, it judges. And for a long time, I believed that this voice—which I call my inner critic or sometimes, my inner bully—was there to hold me back. I wrestled with it, trying to silence it, thinking if I could just get rid of it, I’d finally feel so much better.

But over time—through my own journey as a psychologist and my personal work in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy—I began to understand this voice differently.

I’ve come to understand that this voice is far from an enemy; it’s actually a protective part of me, much more like a misunderstood friend. Despite its harshness, it turned out that it was trying, in its own imperfect way, to keep me from harm. And one single shift—turning toward my inner critic instead of fighting with it—has been one of the most amazing realizations that changed everything, and I want to share that shift with you today, in case your inner critic has been running the show, too.

Understanding the Voice of Your Inner Critic

Imagine, for a moment, that your inner critic is a worried friend inside of you… it’s scanning for danger, looking for potential pitfalls, always trying to prevent future pain by pointing out what could go wrong and what might not be good enough. My inner critic would come up like clockwork when I was trying to rest, telling me I should be doing more. When I was choosing what to wear, it would point out that something doesn’t look right. When I was trying to let myself be seen in a relationship or express a need, it’d whisper, “You’re too much” and maybe hardest of all, when I’d be feeling off and didn’t know why, it’d immediately go to: “You’re the problem.”

It was a persistent voice in the background, a self-doubt I didn’t consciously invite in… And it was definitely not an easy voice to hear. But, over the years, as I learned to listen without getting swallowed by it, something became clear: it wasn’t there to make me feel horrible; it was there to protect me, believing that if it could point out every possible flaw, I might be spared the wrath of judgment, disappointment, or rejection. It was a voice of caution, trying to keep me from being hurt, and it had simply been working overtime. Its tone could be harsh and far from gentle, but its intentions weren’t malicious either. Its intention was care. And as I started to understand that, something softened. Not by pushing it away and fighting against it, but by turning toward it and saying I hear you.

The 8 Cs of IFS: A New Way to Relate to Your Inner Critic

Once I stopped trying to banish the inner critic, I needed a new way to engage with it—one that wasn’t rooted in fear, resistance, or shame.

That’s where Internal Family Systems (IFS) offered something meaningful. It teaches that all of our inner voices—yes, even the ones that feel abrasive, annoying, or deeply critical—are parts of us that deserve our attention and care. Not because we like how they sound, but because they carry stories, fears, and burdens from earlier experiences. They act the way they do for a reason.

Instead of trying to “fix” these parts, we can lead from our true Self—the clear, calm presence that exists underneath all the inner noise in every single one of us. And, there are 8 core qualities that reflect this energy of your true Self—qualities we can bring forward in any moment, especially in our relationship with our inner critic.

They’re known as the 8 Cs of Your True Self, and here’s what they look like in practice:

• Calm: Picture a still lake at dawn. This is the kind of inner calm that allows us to hear every part of us—including the critic—without reacting with judgment or shutting down.
• Curiosity: Instead of recoiling when the critic gets loud, we can lean in with openness and ask, “What’s going on for you?” “What are you afraid of?” “What are you trying to protect me from?” This creates space for understanding.
• Clarity: When we take the time to listen, we start to see things clearly: this part of us isn’t bad or cruel. It’s just scared.
• Compassion: With clarity comes compassion. Once we see its true intentions, we can soften toward the inner critic with kindness rather than frustration. We might say, “I get why you’re doing this. You’ve been holding so much.” “I know you’re scared, and I see how hard you’re trying to help me.” “I’m so grateful for what you’re doing to keep me safe.”
• Confidence: As we build trust with ourselves, we know that we can handle things—not by ignoring what the inner critic says, but by knowing we don’t have to be ruled by it.
• Courage: Instead of engaging in a battle with our parts, we can choose to stay present with our inner critic.
• Creativity: Sometimes, humor and playfulness can really go a long way in easing the tension and grip of self-criticism. "Thank you for your concern, but I’ve got this."
• Commitment: Healing the relationship we have with the parts of our inner world—like all meaningful relationships—requires consistency. And so, we can promise to ourselves to keep showing up for ourselves again and again, especially when it’s hard.

These 8 Cs give us something the inner critic never really had: a calming presence to lean on. A true Self that isn’t scared, isn’t reactive, and isn’t going anywhere.

If this approach speaks to something in you—if you’re longing to meet your inner world with more kindness and clarity—I offer IFS-informed therapy and coaching, where we explore this work together in a safe, gentle way. You can learn more here.

Balancing Compassion and Boundaries

For a long time, I thought that simply offering compassion to my inner critic would be enough. If I could just listen to my inner critic, be kind to it, understand it, even thank it, it would soften, and maybe even quiet down.

The more I practiced meeting my inner critic with calm and curiosity, the more I noticed something else was needed, too. Because even as I listened and understood this part more deeply, there were still moments when it would get so loud, so persistent, that it left me feeling flooded or frozen.

That’s when I realized: Boundaries are just as essential.

Compassion says, "I hear you." Boundaries say, "I’m here, and I will lead with strength and kindness."

So when my inner critic gets loud now—whether it’s questioning my worth, critiquing how I handled something, or warning me not to speak up—I try not to push it away or argue with it. Instead, I turn toward it and say something like:

"I know you’re worried. I can feel how much you want to protect me. But you don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m here now." And that allows me to choose kindness toward myself instead.

That reassurance—I’m here now—is often what the inner critic needs most. It’s not about dismissing its fears. It’s about offering it the comfort and grounding it never had access to before.

When the critic is really loud—when it’s spiraling with worst-case scenarios or berating me with harsh words—I try to imagine it as a scared child. One that’s bracing for something terrible and doing its best to prevent it. And I step in—not to silence it, but to hold it, hold space for its fears, and soothe it. Because my inner critic never needed silencing—it needed my presence.

"I hear you. I’m not leaving. But we’re going to do this differently now."

My inner critic didn’t need silencing—it needed my presence.

It’s a dance between kindness and firmness… kind firmness. Between allowing the critic to have a voice and remembering that it doesn’t get to steer the ship.

And that balance, my friends, takes practice.

There are days when the critic still overwhelms me. Days when it takes a while to remember that I have access to calm, to clarity, to self-leadership.

But even on those days, I can return.
I can place a hand on my heart.
I can breathe.
I can say:

"You’re scared, and that makes so much sense to me. But I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere."

From Inner Criticism to Inner Peace

As I’ve practiced integrating the 8 Cs, my relationship with my inner critic has softened. What once felt like a battle has become a conversation. My inner critic still speaks—but now, I see it and listen to it differently. I say, “Oh hey, you’re back. I see you.” And sometimes, I still feel the initial sting of its words. But more and more, I don’t get pulled into the belief that the critic is telling the truth about who I am. And I do it using the same qualities I shared earlier—the 8 Cs.

And so, I reach for:

• Curiosity, to ask: “What’s really going on here?” "What are you really afraid of?"
• Calm, to slow down the rush of shame and remind myself to breathe, stay grounded, and remember that this is just a part of me—not all of me— speaking.
• Clarity, to remember that this part of me isn’t an enemy—it’s just scared.
• Compassion, to soften instead of attacking, to offer kindness to this part of me, even when it’s harsh.
• Confidence, to know I can keep going, even if it’s still unsure.
• Courage, to show up anyway—to speak, to rest, to try, even when doubt is in the room.
• Creativity, to find lightness in the moment when it gets heavy. Sometimes I’ll gently laugh and say, “You’re really on a roll today, aren’t you?”
• Commitment, choosing, again and again, to stay in relationship with this part with patience and care.

Because when I see my inner critic not as an enemy, but as a part of me that’s trying—sometimes clumsily, sometimes loudly—to help me survive…
I no longer feel the need to exile it.

I can be the one who shows up for it (and for all parts of me) with love.

Nurturing Your Inner World

I often imagine my inner world like a garden. There are parts that thrive easily—joy, compassion, creativity. And then there are parts that take more care—like fear, doubt, and yes, the inner critic.

Compassion is the sunlight that helps everything grow, boundaries are the gentle fences that offer protection, structure, and balance, and the 8 Cs are the tools that help me tend to what’s growing—and to meet the parts that are struggling—with love.

Some days, the critic is quieter. Other days, it gets loud again. And that’s okay. Because it’s not about perfection. What matters is that I keep showing up for myself.

And maybe that’s what healing really is: Not just soothing words or gestures and not a final fix, but a steady devotion to stay with ourselves, especially when it’s hard. A commitment to not abandon ourselves again. To be the one we’ve always needed, no matter what.

Maybe that’s what healing really is—not a final fix, but a steady devotion to stay with ourselves, especially when it’s hard.

An Invitation to Transform Self-Criticism into Understanding

If you’re curious about how to start shifting your relationship with your inner critic, here are a few questions you might sit with:

• What does your inner critic tend to say? When does it show up?
• Can you sense what it might be trying to protect you from?
• What would it feel like to offer that part a little kindness today?
• Is there one of the 8 Cs—calm, curiosity, compassion, or any of the others—that you could bring forward as you get in touch with your inner critic?

You don’t have to have all the answers. This isn’t about fixing. It’s about being in relationship—with yourself, with your parts, with the whole complex, beautiful system that lives inside you.

I’m sending so much tenderness to every part of you—especially the ones that feel the most misunderstood or hard to love today.

And if you feel drawn to explore this kind of work more deeply, I offer IFS-informed therapy and coaching, where we practice this exact kind of inner listening and healing—together. You can learn more here.

Take good, gentle care,